Research / Growing

Growing

Effort, learning, and choice.

These lines talk about trying, learning from mistakes, and having ideas that matter. They focus on what your child did, not what they are.

The 8 phrases

• You tried hard todaySay it on days it is true, and name what they did.
• Mistakes help us learnLight and kind.
• You can try again tomorrowEasy, with no pressure.
• It takes courage to try new thingsWarm, like a secret you share.
• Your ideas matterInterested, not impressed.
• You are learningNo rush.
• Your body knows how to restTrust the body.
• Breathe, that is enoughMatch your own breath.

The line under each phrase is the tip shown in the app when you record it.

What the research says

• A review of 36 studies found that parents supporting a child's autonomy (offering choices, valuing their view) was linked to better psychological health, motivation, and a stronger sense of competence. The strongest link was with psychological health.
• A 2024 review of 90 reports on school-age youth found that feeling autonomous was linked to higher well-being and lower ill-being, with differences across cultures.
• Praising effort rather than the person avoided the shame effect seen with person praise.

How we used it

Lines describe effort and learning (“You tried hard today,” “Mistakes help us learn”) and avoid pressure. We also changed “Your body knows how to sleep” to “knows how to rest,” so no line asks the child to perform sleep.

What we don't know

• Autonomy support means real choices and respect for a child's view across daily life. A recorded sentence can echo that spirit but isn't the same as doing it.
• Most of these studies involve school-age children and teenagers. For babies, the phrases are mainly a warm, familiar voice.
• “You tried hard today” works best when it's true. Skip it on days it isn't.

Sources

• Vasquez et al. (2016). Parent autonomy support, academic achievement, and psychosocial functioning: a meta-analysis of research. Educational Psychology Review.
• Relationships between experiences of autonomy and well(ill)-being for K-12 youth: a meta-analysis (2024). Educational Psychology Review.
• Brummelman et al. (2013). On feeding those hungry for praise: person praise backfires in children with low self-esteem. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General.

Review status: not yet reviewed by a clinician. Not medical advice.